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The Culture Of Now

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    I apologize that we only have buttcam footage of this monumental moment in game show history, but this must be seen by all: “YOUR MOMMA!” was an actual Jeopardy category last week. The contestant who chooses the category delivers the line pretty well, but it would have sounded a lot better in Sean Connery’s Scottish accent.

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    I’ll give you one guess as to what the answer given to this was. And honestly, I would have probably given the same answer. WHO WOULDN’T?! How much you wanna bet old horndog Trebek asked the contestant, Chicago Sun Times reporter and 5-time Jeopardy! champion Kara Spak, out for drinks after the taping? I mean, this was a damn set-up.

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    If I ever make it onto “Jeopardy!” and get the clue, “A blow to the back of the neck is the punch named for this animal,” I’d happily lose $800 just to be able to say “donkey punch” on TV. I don’t know who’s the bigger hero: Mike for saying it, or Alex Trebek, who’s clearly suppressing his laughter, for knowing the reference.

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    I’ll take “Members of Dr. Fünke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution” for $800, Alex. This blue man from “Arrested Development” was a clue on last night’s “Jeopardy.” Who is Tobias Fünke? You’re never going to get back the two seconds it took to read that terrible intro gimmick, and I’m really sorry about that. Honest.

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    “Jeopardy!” host Alex Trebek suffered a mild heart attack over the weekend, throwing my entire world into a state of flux. I was filled with a ton of terrifying questions, including (but not limited to): “Is he OK?!,” “[gulps] What if he’s not?,” “What if he has to leave the show?,” “Who would replace him if he does?,” and “NOOOOOOOOOO!” Luckily for all of us, Trebek appears to be OK.

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    Back in April I did a Q&A with Jeopardy champion Pat Antle, which I really enjoyed. I’ve been a fan of the show for years and years, so it was incredibly cool to hear some of the behind-the-scenes stuff that goes on there. One of the more informative exchanges involved the comically awkward chit chats that host Alex Trebek does with the contestant coming out of the first commercial break.

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    I have written about my love of Jeopardy! on more than a few occasions. In the world of television game shows, there are none smarter and more enjoyable to watch with a group (mostly because it is fun to shout out correct answers like an insufferable dork and make your friends feel stupid). But every year the show holds a Teen Tournament, and it is a God-awful, youth-pandering mess.

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    Yesterday afternoon, on this very website, some cranky dingus ranted about the Jeopardy! Teen Tournament and called for its death. “WAH,” he said. “Everything is dumbed down, and sometimes they reference popular music, and the other night — AND YOU WON’T EVEN BELIEVE THIS PART — Alex Trebek even danced. It’s horrible and I hate it.

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    It’s only a rumor from those ever reliable “sources,” via The Post, but amid much, MUCH talk of Matt Lauer being kicked to the curb by the Today show — in light of the show’s falling ratings, and Matt Lauer’s diminishing likability — Sony has reportedly put Lauer on the top of its list to replace Alex Trebek.

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    “Matt Lauer may replace Alex Trebek on Jeopardy.” I hate that headline so much. I don’t really care about Jeopardy (unless Leonard’s involved), but I do care about that smarmy Canadian Alex Trebek, the world’s most perfect game show host, probably because of SNL‘s Celebrity Jeopardy series throughout the 1990s and into the 2000s.

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    That happy young man in the above banner image is Skyler Hornback, a 7th grader from Kentucky and now one of the all-time biggest single-show winners in Jeopardy! history with his incredibly gutsy performance on tonight’s edition of Kids Week. Hornback fancies himself a bit of an expert and enthusiast when it comes to Abraham Lincoln, so as he pondered how much of his $36,600 in winnings that he’d be willing to wager on Final Jeopardy!, he felt pretty comfortable writing down $30,000 when he saw that the category was “Civil War.” And the clue?

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    Quick recap: Last week was Kids’ Week on Jeopardy!. While nothing on the level of Leonard and his amazing Teen Tournament performance took place, there was some controversy. See, on Wednesday’s episode, a 12-year-old named Thomas Hurley wrote “The Emanciptation Proclamation” for his Final Jeopardy response, which, while basically correct, contained an extra “t” in emancipation.

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    In the most embarrassing moment to happen to him since he tried to teach Jesse Katsopolis how to play basketball, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was scolded by ‘Jeopardy!’ host Alex Trebek for asking “What is X” when the question we were looking for was “what is G, you old creep”. Apparently Jeopardy is a family show, and “what is the back of Linda Lovelace’s throat” has never been an answer.

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    That sound you heard yesterday evening, while you were eating your frozen dinner? That was A Tribe Called Trebek dropping the mic, letting the world know he’s coming for ya. During last night’s Jeopardy, Canada’s greatest MC rapped lyrics from the Notorious B.I.G., Beastie Boys, Grandmaster Flash, Dr. Dre, and Public Enemy, before dropping one of his own: “Well, my name is MC Alex and I’m here to say, I love to rap in a major way.” Look out, Drake.

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    Conan has been making a fool out of Alex Trebek regularly since last year in a segment called “Alex Trebek Has Gone Insane.” It’s pretty hilarious and reminds me of the time a younger Coco got his hands on the Walker Texas Ranger lever and went to town against Chuck Norris. This is the latest in the series and the most likely the final.

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    Jeopardy! celebratedits50thbirthdaythisweek.That’s50yearsofDailyDoubles,50yearsofawkwardsmalltalkwiththecontestantsand50yearsofblurtingoutnonsenseanswersathome.(Don’tactlikeyou’renotguiltyofit.Whomamongusdoesn’tlovetakingawildguessaboutBabylonianarchitecture?)Whenyouhavearotatinglineupofpeopletestingtheirtriviachopseachnightthere’sboundtobeawkwardmomentsalongtheway.

    jeopardyjoeluproxxalex trebek, jeopardyjeopardyjoeluproxxalex trebek, jeopardy

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    SoIsupposethisiswhereIshouldbemoanthestateofAmericainthewakeofJeopardyusingaYOLO-basedclue thatreferencedUrbanDictionaryonlastnight’sepisode,but,Imean…nah.Notgonnadothat.IfJeopardywantstotrytogethip—or,atleast,ashipasJeopardycanget,consideringthisisareferencetoasongfromtwoyearsagothateveryoneyouknowisalreadysickof—morepowertothem.

    yolodguproxxyologangnamyolodguproxxyologangnam

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    JeopardyhostAlexTrebekdidaninterviewwithTheHollywoodReporter recenlHOLYHELLthatisacoolpictureupthere.LookatTrebek,all“ThislongtimesyndicatedgameshowhostjusttookhomeanotherEmmyandcontinuestodominatethatglorifiedhaircutSajakineverywayimaginable.Anyone?That’sright,AlexF*ckingTrebek.Nowtakemypicture.”Imightgetitblown-uptomural-sizeandhangitoverthecouchinmylivingroom.

    33rd Annual Daytime Emmy Awards - Press Roomdguproxx33rd Annual Daytime Emmy Awards - Press Roomspacey33rd Annual Daytime Emmy Awards - Press Roomdguproxx33rd Annual Daytime Emmy Awards - Press Roomspacey

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    ApparentlylastweekwasEverybodyButMeGetsToInterviewAlexTrebekWeek,becauseinadditiontothatTHRarticlewherehesaidhe’sjustgonnaretireonawhimoneday,healsograntedtheNewRepublicaccessforalengthy,candidprofile.Itwasilluminating.Forexample,didyouknowAlexTrebeklikestodrink?

    Scene in D.C.: Howard Buffett, Alex Trebek, Pickens Aid Nat GeodguproxxScene in D.C.: Howard Buffett, Alex Trebek, Pickens Aid Nat GeoScene in D.C.: Howard Buffett, Alex Trebek, Pickens Aid Nat GeodguproxxScene in D.C.: Howard Buffett, Alex Trebek, Pickens Aid Nat Geo

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    InthemostembarrassingmomenttohappentohimsincehetriedtoteachJesseKatsopolishowtoplaybasketball,KareemAbdul-Jabbarwasscoldedby‘Jeopardy!’hostAlexTrebekforasking“WhatisX”whenthequestionwewerelookingforwas“whatisG,youoldcreep”.ApparentlyJeopardyisafamilyshow,and“whatisthebackofLindaLovelace’sthroat”hasneverbeenananswer.

    uproxxuproxx

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